Contemplations of a Mystic

Spiritual and mystical soliloquies on the dissolution of the separate self into the supreme

This book was written for the lovers, the free spirits of the world and the ones that have felt the longing for the one true love for billions upon billions of years. This is for you from yourself as there is no separation between us, because any such idea would be fictitious.

This was not written by my mind, and therefore I cannot lay claim to it. Instead every word was poured from the heart without effort or intention.

You are the unfathomable one

Whenever my gaze looks in your direction, you are always there prior to my looking. You can never be seen, yet all we see is you in your different costumes. Every word uttered is seen with your eyes, every gesture made is heard with your ears. You’re the only reality, though appearance has it so that you have many realities. In fact you can never be divided. You are ever formless and pure; you breathe life into all sentience and non-sentience alike. Your realm is beyond the phenomenal world of the senses and thoughts. When one comes to your open gates, you reveal yourself unto yourself. For it is only with your eye that you can see yourself.

This is the Truth to be known by the sentient man searching for perfection. This is the salvation and only reality. It is this that spirit is guiding us to, the spirit which is your perfume and your infinite wisdom. We can never be separate from you, since you are always permeating every atom of every being. You cannot be seen with the eyes of the ignorant, only your eye can see you. Your realm belongs to unfathomable dimensions, you give birth to our world without effort. Every universe that is born is a thought arising in the first emanation. You are the infinite formless one from which there is no escaping.

Why would one want to escape that which nourishes and loves all things? Truly it could only be the mischief of the lower aspect, for in you there are no boundaries and no imperfections. When the seeker looks for himself, he finds you. You are the only reality, in you all is contained and kept. There can never be separation from your grace. Every attempt is futile, for all return to you. Time is your child, but you are not the child of anything. You are the unborn presence that is ever here, you can never die, for you were never born. All emanates from your ineffable majesty. There has never been anything apart from you. You see all things, and all that I see is a reflection of your infinite subtlety. You are shapeless, formless as you have no distinguishable qualities. Never can you be known by the limited mind, for you are prior to this mind and ever beyond it. All attempts to reach you by the mind is wasted, for you can never be reached but only recognized that you are all that is, all that has been and all that ever will be. This is the ultimate truth.

You have no story as you are ageless, you have no desire as you are perfect. You can never be improved, never be stained by the wheels of the phenomenal world. You are perfection as your realm is in eternity. Your immaterial hands come down upon us to guide us back to you, our hearts are sanctuaries for your divine presence to enter and cleanse. How can one ever reach you through the materiality of the world, truly one needs to strip oneself naked before your ever all seeing eye. One has to become naked to ones own all seeing eye. The same eye that you see me is the same eye that I see you. Always is your seeing here, never is it limited by any limitations of the body, which we temporarily dwell in, though it can appear so.

You are the ineffable, immovable perfection. All is a reflection of your grace, you have never not been what you are. You are ever yourself, you can never die, you can never be renewed. Your beauty is indescribable, your silence unfathomable, your love untouchable. You are the eternal one, as all good qualities derive from your holy presence. Never has there been a day where you were not in me and I not in you.

Oh such woe to be away from this divine mystery, to be a forlorn child that’s walking and stumbling in the darkness of the lower aspects. Such great woe, to be unaware of one’s own true light and place, what remedy is there for that illusion but to dissolve in your all-seeing eyes. There are no medicines that can cure that disease of the spirit, but only in your beauty do we find our perfect rest. A perfect rest while we still draw breath. This is the gift of your infinite compassion. To be one with you in the flesh, this is your love of us. The love that you pour down on us makes our hearts sing with blissful serenity. Sometimes we are intoxicated, sometimes sober, but you are ever perfect. How can any one be dissatisfied with your eternal light? They look up but see not within. Why look around when you don’t know who’s the one looking.

Find the beloved, and the beloved will find you. You can never truly be apart from the grace of the beloved, for her formless love is everywhere pulsating. The blood that flows through the universe is originated from her unfathomable veins. We are all children of the ineffable perfect being.

Can you see what I’m pointing to, my dear friend? I point to your own spirit, as I am present as your spirit. You can never be separate from me; your heart has its source from the beloved. See with her eyes and be dissolved in the magnificent mystery of life.

One can never see the beloved with separate eyes. If you wish to see her, you have to become her. You have to become me; I am here ever available and lovingly welcoming your journey back to me. I have never been away from you, though sometimes you feel this to be true. Never have I moved an inch, I am always within and without, can you see yourself as you are?

I have always been present in your spirit and in your mind. I see all things, yet nothing can see me. I am the invisible virgin spirit that is here with all existence and non-existence. You have to experience me as me, else you can never truly see. It is this that seems difficult for the lower aspects but this is the final step to take. A step that leads you back to me, where you are absorbed into silence.

You can never die, you can never be hurt, and you can never be tainted or broken. You can never be dominated or frightened. You are always here in our hearts, you are always here in our souls, and you are always here in our bodies. There has never been a time where you did not exist; all existence is your offspring. You are the unfathomable formless space from where all is born.

You can never seize to be, though the mind lures us to thinking it so. Why has the mind come and hidden the spiritual light of so many lost souls. The mind is your child that has gone astray. The mind is not content to be where it is now. It is agitated and restless. It is troubled and ever hungry for more experiences that may or may not fulfil its ever so hungry belly. The mind has an appetite of unlimited scale. It is ever lacking in its own projections, and whenever it deems something to be an object of fulfilment it goes towards that with vengeance and disharmony.

Truly only your grace can save us from this unspeakable misfortune, as the troubles and muddy waters of the mind has its last days set on this world. Your light will always prevail.

Your essence is the pearly light from which all are seen with and through. We are all your emanations and your creations. How are we not awake to this ever-present truth, as your eyes are always seeing us? There can never be anything apart from this eternal seeing. Anything apart is seen within it, and then it is absorbed into it.

You are the one with no story, with no future, no hope, and no fear. So don’t despair my friend, you who are reading this. Don’t despair for your light is immaculate and ever guiding you back to yourself. Your experience is the experience of the Supreme Being. One needs only to let go of the lower aspects and then be set free forever. Your heart is ever longing for this. Your truth is this truth forever. How we are ever yearning for the fulfilment of the one. Though it is expressed in a myriad ways. We are only in truth looking for his light to clothe us and feed us and nurture us. We can never not be lacking the light of the supreme one. When one is astray, one deems the riches of the world to be wealth, but the wise man knows that the true wealth is the wealth from the immaculate one.

Love is your name and love is your gift unto us. Your children are ever longing to see the rays of your formless light. You are the immaculate one, ever present and ever content. You are I and I am you. The same goes for our reader friend, as he may or may not be aware that he is us, but there will be a time when your calling to him or his longing for you will be unbearable. That is when we will snatch him from materiality back to the realm of spirit. In this realm we are ever free from troubles, in this world we are ever floating in weightless perfection. The rains of your love will heal and fertilize all the souls that have arisen from your unfathomable grace. You are the supreme, the most benevolent. You have never been distant from all of your children alike.

You are the unfathomable one.

Awareness is your name

Though you have no name, awareness can be called your name for now. You are always seen with your own seeing. You can always be seen, as you are always here to be perceived. Everything always sees you, for you are never hidden. You are never lost, and we are always you, playing yourself. You speak every word and you utter every sentence. Your ears hear all things. For your light and you are the same. Everything that we see is you. You are always here as you are. Anything other is a fiction, which you are conjuring in yourself. You have a beginning and you have an end. You are born and you die, you live and you let go of living. Your form is ever obvious, your edges ever apparent, you limitations ever perceivable. You can always be fathomed. Your essence is effable your holiness understandable your beauty touchable and palpable.

You are the eternal one that is bound by time. You are the infinite one that is dancing in finite forms. You are always here as yourself. You can never not be here. Your light is always available. Whether a sage or an ignorant man, they both see you. You see both of them. They are all your creations and you are also their creation. There has been a time where you didn’t exist. There will be a time where you will seize to exist. You are born from the mind and the mind is born from you. You are the body and the soul, you are the spirit and whole. Your world soul is ever seeing it self as a complexity striving higher into infinite more layers. You are truly the perfect imperfection. You can never be understood yet all we do is understand you, as you, through you.

If anything can be said to be a quality that you possess oh perfect one, it may be that you are always aware of your own perfection. You are perpetually bathing in the light of your own unfathomable grace. You are always flying in the infinite joyous skies of your own heart. It is therefore my understanding, which also is yours, that you are ever perfect and self-sufficient and loving about all existence.

Formless and Immaculate

No form can contain you, you are ever greater than all limitations that a form inevitably has. Your dimensions cannot be understood by my mind, whether you have dimensions or not is a different matter. You cannot be truly fathomed, for you have no qualities, nothing can be said to be you, for you are the prior seeing to all things. All things move in your direction, you are the great attractor at the end and beginning of time. From you direct experience is originated. From you the heavens and the stars are seen and contained. All is contained in you, your limitless and immaculate space. Every description of you is a fiction but an inevitable truth as well. You are the perfect one that never has any despair, your ever content in your own self-sufficient natural state. There is in fact only you existing, you’re the only one alive. Yet we may think that many are so. When one sees that you’re the same for all sentience and non-sentience alike, one is immediately touched by your immaculate grace. You are the prime mover yet you have never been moved, you can never be disturbed for your realm in beyond any idea we may conjure up of you. You are the great breather of life, from the word of your mouth the universe was born, and the time is right that the universe shall be returned to you.

All is you and you are all, how can anyone deny this truth? Who could stand apart from you and proclaim any other than this? What arrogance could that possibly be? We are all your forms that you have given life into. You are the perfect one, from you all grace is showered down. You are the immovable prime mover. The alpha and omega, never has there been anything that wasn’t you.

You are the eternal principle, all report to your all-seeing eye. Every sensation is your product and your creation. How can anyone deny this? Formless and immaculate is your presence, you can never be fathomed, and you are beyond our conceptual imagination or understanding.

Has there ever been anything other than you? Perhaps, but I feel it not to be so. I feel that your beauty is the only beauty that has ever existed. Your sorrow the only sorrow, your joy the only joy, your love the only love, your despair the only despair… You are the prisoner and the guard, the king and the beggar, the nobleman and the farmer, the wife and the whore, the angel and the demon, the light and the dark, the grace and the arrogance. All are your expressions though you are never fully invested or mixed with them. They all arise out of your unfathomable generosity and grace, but we know not this truth to be true. We have false idols thrown at us by false mediums. Your light is the ever present and pure light. All goodness is from your compassion, sanctity and holiness. You have never been apart from us, though we sometimes feel so distanced by your love. You have never judged us, though we judge ourselves and dare sometimes judge you too.

Where has this ignorance and illusion sprung from? It is you but at the same time it isn’t you, you are never the one that is arrogant yet you allow all arrogance to manifest, you are never the murderer yet you allow all injustice to appear, you are never the lover or the beloved, yet you allow all earthly love to appear. You allow all things to happen and you are ever detached form their outcomes. You have no interest in the phenomenal because your realm is beyond in the formless sphere of pure existence.

Eternity and infinity

What is time for you, oh the creator of all manifestation. Time says to all living beings, everything that you see and perceive I shall consume. Nothing can escape my open mouth of dissolution and destruction. I am the one to be feared because I am the ender of worlds.

What can this mouth say to you oh Supreme one. What can it try to harass you with that will make the universe cry tears of cosmic blood? You can never be touched by anything, least of all by time, for you are prior to time and the mother of it. You gave birth to time and space. You are the one that is never disturbed by any phenomena, as you cannot be moved and your place is the immovable substratum of existence.

It is this that most people fail to grasp in their lifetimes. They are so busy looking and shopping outwardly that they fail to see the limitless light that is within them every second of their interval here on this earth. They look for answers in time, whereas the sage knows the true place of time in the existence that you have bestowed upon us. Time is your child, yet they adore and praise and fear it more than they aware of your eternal and loving grace. We have all failed to see you, you are the ever-present one, whereas the lower aspect is a disharmony in our earthly lives. We are your children; you are our father and mother. In truth you can never be ascribed as to have any sex, because you are beyond male or female. You are formless and immaculate, nothing can be truly ascribed to you. You can never die, oh dear unborn graceful one. Your light is the greatest of all the lights in the heavens. It is from your grace that they have their source. All the universes in the totality cannot exist without your light to exist there prior. You are the breather of all life into all void and existence. You are the one that has created the world, and it is you that are living the lives that we arrogantly claim as our own. No one can see you, only you can see yourself.

This stirs my heart and asks the timeless question, how does one truly become dissolved in this seeing in which only you remain and where all other illusions fade away in the background and foreground of you.

This is the question. This is the seekers question.

Dissolving in you

The aim of all evolution is to climb to your unfathomable heights. We are your offspring yet we have never truly come apart from you. How is one to go about in dissolving oneself into your infinite emptiness, fullness and grace.

Lead us back to you, Oh Supreme one, let us never despair in the material world for that which is bound by the working of time. Let us rejoice in knowing you as you know yourself. The ignorant cannot know you, for he looks upon you with separate eyes.

We are the humble ones who wish to be dissolved in your unsparing light of truth. We are the ones that undress ourselves before your unfathomable wisdom. We are the ones that wish to be forever free from all the misery, which the world can force unto us. Even if we were to be thrown into the lowest parts of hell, we would still like to be rejoicing in your eternal beauty. Let nothing be a challenge to you and your unspeakable delight. Your heart is my heart; my heart is yours forever let it be so. Let me be dissolved in you, as the river flows into the ocean forever becoming one. Let us merge and never let the arrogance of I arise again in the universes that you gave given birth to. Let us be dancing in sweet energetic delight, let us be one my dear, where we are ever perfect unto ourselves. This is the love, which we are truly seeking, but failing to find in the embrace of the lower aspects. Your beauty is the only true consolation for us, we the humble ones that are only craving your love, for no other love is pure enough to encompass the totality in which we have originated from. Are these words too much, perhaps they are but I know not who is doing this writing as they are words that come as a poison against the serpent mind. The mind is being dissolved by these words and that is the sweetest dissolution there has ever been. Anything fleshly can never compare to the pure ecstasy that arises when one sees you as yourself. Truly the lower aspect tries to hijack my grace, but it cannot do so, because my grace is not my own. I cannot own this grace; this grace is from you ineffable wisdom and love. Such beauty radiates from you that it is hurtful to the mind to even try to conceptualize it.

All these words are spoken only from the ecstatic heart that has found the fountain of bliss itself. Words like these can never be spoken by the personal egoic identity. It is only from you that these words can be written. All that is written is challenging time, but time can never truly be challenged, unless it is by your eternal presence. But what need do you have to challenge time, you gave birth to time, time is of no concern to you. You are beyond it forever. It is this truth that sets the perfect man free from all despairs and anxieties. To be one as you are one.

The many as one

I remember when I saw the many at all times but never the one. You revealed yourself to my blind eyes and I was seeing for the first time. The many were never many; they sprung out from the formless one. You are that which contains all, how can there be many in you? Any such notion is but a fleeting dreaming of the mind. The mind itself is a dream; it arose from your generous grace. You have no need for the mind, but the mind needs your light to survive and grow. You distribute your light without second thought. You are ever self-shining and self-sufficient. You are the timeless one that no can truly fathom. Your light is the light of the universe. Your beauty is a fragrance that emerges from the untouchable sanctity of eternal life. You are the only one that is alive in the universe. You were before the beginning and you will be what you are after the end.

This is the truth for seeker of the light to know. What you are looking for is looking through you each and every second. You are the child of that unfathomable one, he that never can be seen sees all things. Look into your own mind, and see its workings, see what it is made of and realize that you are not who you thought you were. You can never been seen as an object, for you are the absolute subject. Love is your fragrance and stillness is your true name. You have no destination so stop pondering about the things that may come, look to your own eternal flower that is always in bloom. Eternal bloom of the soul is where you wish to return to, recognize this and admit it. You are looking for love, but love is already here. How can you find that which always is here? You have to get rid of the ones doing the finding, I say. Become one in the palace of your own being, there can be no two kings on one and the same throne. See this and be this, know who you are and who you are not. You are the ineffable first and only perceiver. This is the timeless truth that all enlightened ones see all over the universe, not only on our blue-green planet. Look within and see the never-ending

Let me be dissolved in you, forever, without effort without strain. There is only your light in my deprived life. I wish only to see you this very moment, each and every moment. Your grace is the beauty that nourishes every breath I draw. How can I live without your beauty, without your grace, without your light. I call you within this long night, to reclaim the day. Let me see your beauty without fail. You beauty is all I know, all other fade before it. I only want to know the sweet taste that your divine lips exude.

I wonder how one can live without your nourishing gaze every moment, truly there can’t be anything other than your grace. Your grace is all the seeker knows and wants to know. It is this that is the power of the seeker.

The fire of discovery

Your fire burns all to ash, all that is not true is consumed in the unsparing flames of you. We are the ones that are born again from theses ashes; we are the ones that never despair in the process of the burning away. Why? For we know that this burning is the will and grace of the beloved. The beloved is unfathomable; she is ever too wise for use to truly understand. Her wisdom has created universes upon universes, her intelligence has created life upon life. It is by her grace that we are drawing breath and singing songs. We are the ones who recognize this truth, and in this recognition dissolved in her majestic eyes. Her eyes ever invisible, for she is the first seer, she is the true knower, she is the lover and the loved. How can any one who sees her light ever be unsatisfied by her fairness?

Only the lower aspect would rebel and proclaim that the beloved is not enough, truly only the lower aspects. The one who sees, never despairs.

It is your fire that leads us to you, it is you that is looking for yourself, it has always been so. The seeker and the found will always be you, the lover and the beloved will always be you, the mother and the son will always be you, the father and the daughter will always be you, the prodigal son returning home will always be you, the dance of duality will always be you. It is your grace, it is your love, it is your wisdom, it is your intelligence that is within me. Then tell me, how can I despair, how can I bring myself to those lower expressions. Is there any despair for the formless pearl of infinity? Is there any woe to the eternal first principle?

If I do despair, it is only temporary, if I do cry, it is only momentary, If I do hurt it is only briefly. No pains can ever be to great, if it is by your wisdoms unspeakable grace.

Let this fire of discovery burn all that is not true to my original being, and then oh supreme one, how will anyone ever, including myself distinguish me from you.

Let it be so, let it be so, by the grace of the beloved let it be so.

Sitting in your own perfection

Though the body is run down and weary, there you are, sitting in your own perfection.

Though the mind is restless and dreary, there you are, sitting in your own perfection.

Though the heart is lost and teary, there you are, sitting in your own perfection.

Though the soul has never been so cheery, there I am, sitting in your own perfection.

My body is very tired this late, late night. It has still many miles to go before its final rest somewhere on this blue green planet. It still has a destiny to fulfil. But you my beloved, you are beyond destiny. You are beyond everything. Nothing can ever touch you. You can never be fathomed. Who would fathom you? Who would stand separate from you and discern your features. Who and what would that be? Truly nothing can do this.

You are always watching, loving ever so silently. How many times have you seen the lives of men arise and end. You oh the great seer of all things. How many time have you been a wife, how many times have you been a father. How many times a dancer, how many times a beggar. How many times have you been a warrior, how many times a lover. How many times have you been a king, how many times a queen. How many times have you been a child with blue eyes, how many times with green. How many times have you been sad, how many times have you been smiling.

You are always what you are yet you give birth to billions of worlds. You are the great mother from which we all arise out of. Every thought, feeling, sensation, body, atom, cell, plant, animal, species, planet, star, galaxy is a thought arising in your ineffable wisdom. What destiny can there be for such a transcendent being? What destinies can we at best project unto you? Truly it is best to keep quiet and sit in your perfection as you are.

My beloved, how long I have been astray, billions upon billions of years. Only to be returned and reunited with your ever-present grace.

Oh such a relief to be away with the burden of fate as in you there is no fate, in you there is only beauty. Formless immaculate pearl of existence, beyond all manifestation and ever so subtle to the human perception. I love you dearly, I have never loved anything so dearly as I love you. This love grows stronger and deeper each passing breath.

The beloved of us all!

Despairs for who?

Who can truly despair when they are in the presence of you? What becomes of the despaired when he glimpses your grace? Could he survive your beautiful face? With what arrogance can he uphold himself before your truth?

Sometimes it feels like the one who is despairing is itself another despair. If the one who is despairing itself is just another despair, to who belong these despairs to? Can my or your eye find the despaired one? Truly this is the question that every seeker must ask herself. Who is the despaired, and If I’m not it, who then am I?

Unfathomable, unknowable and unspeakable. That is who I am.

Invisible, invincible and indomitable. That is who I am.

Immaculate, immaterial, immeasurable. That is who I am.

Awareness, formless consciousness. That is who I am.

Now then do not take these words too lightly. They are carrier of great power and significance. Though nothing can describe me, all things point to me. Everything is my offspring and all things return to me. Time is my child and you are the children of time. You all dwell in me, I in you. There is no outside nor inside. There is no up or down. There is no left nor right for me. These words written are themselves just forms appearing in the formless space of existence.

But will our reader friend grasp this grace you are and radiate? Will he know himself as you? Or will the despaired be the one who sits on the throne of his existential palace.

Dear beloved, this is my humble prayer… Free all your seekers, free them all from despair and separation from you. As your light is the only true guide in this manifestation and this world. Though your light can never be seen with the eyes as it is with the light of the sun. But it is by your light that all things are nourished by, as it emerges from you, the source itself. Your light is the unfading light.

How many times have you revealed yourself unto yourself I wonder. Sometimes it feels like a very scant sum, other times it feels like you can never truly be revealed for you can never truly be hidden.

What can hide you? Who can disguise you? What can block your light? It cannot be done. It cannot be undone.

You are the eternal principle from which all is seen and experienced. How are we to honestly distinguish ourselves from you? The wise man knows that all things have their origin in you perpetually, and not only at the beginning but at all times. Why? Because you are the timeless that dwell in both realms. You are always here. You are always now. Always in perfect presence.

You are the eternal principle and in you no despairs can last.

How Can I Describe You?

How can I describe you? Walking through the city, I hear you always. You are always here.

How can I understand you? Sitting in a pub, I ponder on you always. You are always here.

The murmurs and the music melt into the same pool of sounds.

We are all derived from your grace, never can we truly un-see your face.

Your beauty lies in your subtlety, it lies in the perception of the slightest movement of my soul.

Your eye is the absolute.

Your light is the light of the universe.

I commune this with you unhindered and untroubled by my long lost memory of a troublesome mind. That mind is dissolved in you. In here lies no separation, in here lies no falsity. I have become drunk in your all pervasive love and beauty.

You never cease to inspire humility and awe.

Never-ending is the fountain from which we all emerge.

We are all this.

We are all you.

Amidst the Darkness, Your Light Shines

I’m lost they say.

Lost in my way.

I have nothing but compassion for those souls that have to live just another moment without the recognition of your beauty, in them.

The atheist as well as the religious calls me a fool, a madman…

Alas, I can’t be discouraged by the opinions of man. Man is but an image moving in the infinite hallways of eternity, whereas you my beloved, you are the first principle from which all sentience emerge out of.

Love is the way I say.

Doesn’t matter if you’ve lost your way.

Carry this light into the darkest night and you will illumine a billion universes in each instant.

The mind cannot fathom this vastness.

The mind has to be dissolved in it and from there it will all be clear.

Remnants of my former self sometimes arise, but your light is too strong and too beautiful. I’ve chosen you, and you know this too.

My heart is yours and my separate mind is no more.